I've thought long and hard about posting tonight. About 4 hours ago I started typing up a blog post and then stopped and deleted the whole thing. I don't normally get very personal on here. Sure, you've heard me talk about Bug, my sister and my mom. But did you know that Bug isn't my only kid, that I have 3 others? And my sister isn't my only, I have one more sister and two brothers as well? I worry a lot about putting too much out there.
But tonight, tonight I feel the need to talk. I got dealt a pretty hard blow a few days ago. My mom called to tell me that my grandpa is sick, really sick. I don't know a lot of details yet, she has flown out to be with him today and I'm supposed to call her tomorrow to find out more. What I do know is that the kind of sick he is is bad and we may not have much time left with him. I just don't get it though. I mean, he's a healthy guy. He's always taken such wonderful care of himself, he's not supposed to get sick. He's active, he's a world traveler, he's an all around wonderful guy.
I keep seeing him posting on Facebook, commenting on our pictures and status updates and I just want to reach through the screen and give him a great big hug and have him hug me back and tell me it's going to be ok. I have this idea in my head that when I talk to my mom tomorrow that she's going to tell me it was all a ruse to get her and her sister's out to visit him and that he's really ok.
I'm doing everything I can to stay busy and try to keep my mind off of things. I'm sewing, trying to work on things that require brain power. If I have time to think then I think about him and get upset all over again. I'm watching movies, listening to an audiobook, anything to keep my mind occupied. Sleep is eluding me though. The nights have become my enemy, it's too quiet.
I don't know why I'm putting this out there tonight. Maybe I think that if I talk about it it will help me cope? All I know is it's making me think about him more and I'm upset all over again. It's late, I'm going to attempt some sleep, tonight I'm armed with Excedrin PM.
This is my Grandpa
If you're the praying kind, please say a prayer for him tonight. It would mean a lot to me.